I don't have a long history of writing. What I have is a long history of wanting to write but then doing little about it. I let my inner critic win. She has an arsenal of weapons and she's an expert with each. She attacks my productivity by reminding me of everything else I should or could be doing. The draw of a movie yet to be watched, a book yet to be read, a grocery list I could write. Technically that is writing though, a small victory for me.

Once I've fought past, or more often through the procrastinating items I'm hit in the sensitive belly of self-esteem. An attack here can leave my desire to write crippled for days, months or even years. If I make it out her attack on my self-esteem, it’s only to be hit again. The last attack is on creativity. Upon making it through an attack on self- esteem, I often find myself without a scrap of creativity. I’m without a single idea. I believe the critic wallows a bit in her victory here. Watching me fight back, knowing her last bit of artillery is her best.

I know what I should do at this time. I should get my pen moving. I should write about anything I see, feel, hear or smell just to get started. However, instead I'm often so exhausted that I give in. This is what my critic wants though. I'm learning to out wit her though, and I'm here exposing her. I’ve also dug out some books with writing prompts including Writing Down the Bones. The next time the critic zaps me of my creativity I’ll just find it outside myself.